The Friday we were going to see Chelsea Handler in SF my preferred getaway of choice was running steep at $300+ for the room alone. (We usually snag the room, parking, and bfast for two for $175.) Thus, I was forced to look for alternative accommodations. Not as easy as I had hoped. Turns out there was some nerd convention going on at Moscone so all the hotels I would’ve preferred to stay at (W, Parc 55, The Marriott, etc.) were ridiculously overpriced, too. Eventually I came across the Fairmont Hotel SF advertising a queen room for $119 if paid for in advance. The Fairmont in downtown San Jose is lovely – from what I saw at an event I attended there a few years ago – and this one looked just as nice from the photos and reviews. I booked it after conferring with Shrek. We knew parking wasn’t included so the stay would end up being closer to $200 once taxes and parking were added, but figured it better than paying $350+, right? WRONG.

Now you might be thinking at this point, How bad can a $200 stay at the Fairmont be? It’s regal. It’s established. It’s got a gorgeous lobby. SHUT UP YOU STUPID SPOILED BRAT.

Yes, the lobby is gorgeous and AIRY. But in my opinion it sells a false sense of finesse. Upon stepping off the creaky elevator and onto the 4th floor we were hit with a strong stench of moth balls. Lovely. Now I’m used to old hotels that smell like moth balls; I’ve stayed in some of the oldest accomodations in Italy, France, Boston and the like. The difference? Those had character. Charm, too. This one not so much…

Unfortunately our tiny room smelled no different than the hallway. The air was stagnant and try as we might we could not get the window open for fresh air.

A coat of dust  - I kid you not! – blanketed the desk doubling as a nightstand.

A black stain on the throw at the end of the bed looked as if someone had taken a Sharpie to it . Really housekeeping? How difficult is it to change that out (or at least hide it in a fold)?

A shoddy job was done remodeling the bathroom. Looked like they’d had Bathfitter in there. You couldn’t put the toilet lid down because it was stuck beneath an ill-conceived ledge that ran along top of the toilet. What good’s the ledge if my belongings are going to fall into the open toilet bowl?

The bath towels were paper-thin and rough. I specifically requested a foam pillow when they offered it since down sucks. No foam pillow. The carpet was sticky and made a velcro sound when I padded across it. I kept my socks on and were they ever gross when I was done with them!

Finally, the hotel’s located in a seedy area that doesn’t lend for walkers once the sun goes down. I realize this isn’t their fault since it was built before the XXX establishments and liquor stores moved in, but it sure made getting where we wanted to go difficult. What a headache! The doorman kept blowing his rape whistle yet no cabs came. Usually in this case I start walking, but even Shrek said no – we’re not walking OUT THERE. Finally, one rounded the corner and we discovered that the girls at the front of the line who’d been waiting for 35 minutes(!) were going to Chelsea, too, and invited us to share their cab. Thanks to them we made it to the show on time.

It was nearing 1 am when Chelsea, whom we enjoyed immensely, wrapped. As Shrek and I made our way on foot up Van Ness (see, we’re really not opposed to walking the city at night! We just hopped a cab before turning onto our hotel’s street.) we discussed whether to stay at the hotel or bounce. Isn’t that sad? We’d already paid but the thought of sleeping in that room was that unappealing. My stubborn penny-pinching nature won out and we ended up staying. Had we been in any real danger I definitely would’ve left, but since we weren’t I wasn’t going to “waste” $200.  …I woke with a crick in my neck and a chip on my shoulder. That bed was not queen-size, nor did it have any support. It was like sleeping on Jell-O — when Shrek moved I jiggled, and not in a good way.

I’m betting, hoping for their sake, that the Fairmont SF has some nicer, better-appointed and attended rooms if you’re willing to shell out. However, I still consider $200 a considerable sum to pay for an overnight stay and am disappointed I spent it there. Hopefully this post will help you avoid the same mistake.

I most likely won’t be back. Majority of the time I try giving establishments, whether it be eateries or hotels, at least two shots to win me over in case they’re having an off-night or something, but $200 is just too much to try it again, at least at that particular location.